Past Me, Present Me, and Future Me; or 15 Things I Would Teach My Past Self
I see myself as three people: Past Me, Present Me, and Future Me.
Past Me sets up Present Me for success, Present Me enacts/reacts, and Future Me reaps the benefits (hopefully) and starts the process over again...The goal being for these three sassy ladies to work together FOR me and my health, NOT AGAINST me and my health.
These three women are pretty rad: they are determined, headstrong, and resilient. They can take a hit and keep on fighting. I'd like to say all of them are stand up gals, completely void of wrong doing and totally altruistic...but that would be a bold faced lie. Since Present Me doesn't do that anymore, then I'll just give it to you straight: Past Me was...a jerk. She was a liar (mostly to herself), a thief (she stole her own health away from, well, herself), and mentally unwell (yeah...no way to sugar coat this: she was just an unwell, overweight, unhappy girl).
So, how did I get all of these ladies to cooperate all those years ago? How did I get them to sit down and play nice?
I made a decision and I made a choice. I gathered all these ladies in my head and I gave them an ultimatum: If you don't cooperate and help each other, we are all going to suffer and perhaps perish. Between the palpitations, the dizzy spells, a scale that read 436lbs, and a foggy brain 24/7, the writing was on the wall: my health was going downhill and fast.
Then, I chose to move, to eat well, and to be accountable for myself. I started apologizing when I was wrong. I started making eye contact with anyone I spoke with. I started asking questions and listening to the answers...then asked more questions and started conversations. Past Me began to set Present Me up for success by following through on projects, organizing, and cleaning. Present Me gets stuff done by being prepared, organized, and proactive in problem solving, setting Future Me up for nothing but success.
Here are 15 things I wish Past Me knew:
Learn what accountability means.
Merriam-Webster says accountability is "the quality or state of being accountable. Especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions".
It is REALLY REALLY hard to stand up, take responsibility for your own actions and say, "Yes, that was me. I did that". Its especially difficult when it comes to our own nutrition, weight, or malnourishment. Our outward appearance is a direct reflection of our past actions and it's hard to fess up when things have gotten out of control. That is where accountability comes in: it is one of the first steps in changing. To begin to change you just have to admit that you contributed to the problem in the first place. Past Me didn't get it, but tried to. Eventually, she fessed up. Present Me gets it, but its hard to be honest all the time. Future Me is gonna have experience under her belt and ROCK accountability in her future health, business endeavors, and relationships.
You are not too cool for knowledge. Knowledge is too cool for you. Give it the respect and time it deserves.
Too many times in our early education, our peers have decided for us what amount of nerdy (or curiosity) is "cool". Often that carries into our adult lives through habits we form subconsciously, as a form of social preservation. As conscious individuals, it is totally within our power to break the horrible "I don't need to learn anymore because I already know everything" mentality. You know how much time you spend on Facebook or Twitter or checking your email every day? What if you spent 10 minutes of that Googling something that interests you, simply to learn more about it? What if you spent that 10 minutes looking into activism or getting involved in your local community to help others? What incredible things or awesome conversations will happen because you asked questions?
Confidence comes from knowledge.
If you're lacking in confidence, try putting some knowledge in your head. Go back out into the world with something to say and you'll be surprised who listens. New knowledge in means new ideas come out.
Don't let other peoples' lives or emotions dictate your life or emotional responses.
Past Me was horribly guilty of letting what other people did directly impact my emotions and actions for the first 28 years of my life. I took things very personally and interpreted my peers' actions accordingly. Present Me realizes now that this meant I had very little personality of my own, which is possibly why I was so unhappy when I weighed well over 400lbs. Future me knows that the best way to deal with others' lives and emotions is to have my own life, my own emotions, and to concentrate on my own goals. When others ask for help, I of course give of myself and my time, but Present Me no longer feels the obligation to fix everyone and everything. Present Me needs a lot of love and fixing, too.
Be active. Your body is as important as your work, your hobbies, and your family.
When I say active, I don't necessarily mean exercising regularly, although that would be fantastic. I mean that I would tell Past Me to go out and do things that don't involve being indoors or sitting in front of a screen. These things would include being in nature, bowling, cooking, camping, biking, swimming, etc. Past Me spent an awful lot of time in front of the Telly in my adolescence (my mom used to call me Televina 'cause I could recite the TV Guide cover to cover) and I played the flute full time through college...both of which are sedentary activities that, coupled with poor nutrition, led to depression, anxiety, and obesity.
Don't you dare listen to anyone's negativity...especially your own.
And if you inevitably do, use it to propel you forward--not as a reason to wallow. The best way to shut up a naysayer is to prove them wrong.
Value your alone time. Learn to occupy yourself, by yourself.
Past Me wrote dozens of journal entries about how lonely I was and how sad I was to be alone and bored. When I was frustrated that I wasn't old enough or allowed to go out and be social, Past Me would indulge in self destructive behavior in my alone time with cookies and ice cream (sugar was a drug I could easily get my hands on). Now, as an adult, my alone time is filled with fulfilling work because I CHOOSE it to be.
I am is also of the belief that an individual should be able to sit alone in a room without anything to "do" for 10 minutes and be totally content in their own company. It took me over 30 years to get to that place. I urge you to try it: no books, no phones...just sit in silence for 10 minutes with your own thoughts. Enjoy your own company. Value your alone time.\
Eat real food. No more packages, no more take outs. No more fast food EVER.
You know how it gives you headaches and diarrhea and makes your head feel hazy? Do you remember the last time you weren't tired? You know how you can't sleep or sleep too much and get these little twinges in your chest that you tried to ignore? Well that might be your body aching from malnourishment, that is to say nourishment that isn’t complete for your body. It's time for a change. Present You and Future You will thank Past You infinitely.
Exercise like your life depends on it. It does.
Different than being active, I would tell Past Me that a regular exercise routine would really, REALLY make me happy. I would tell me that a regular influx of endorphins would change my life and introduce me to Nature, which has, in turn, calmed me and propelled Future Me forward. Present Me pleads with the Future Me to stick with it because the people you meet along your health journey are ones who will support you when you are at your lowest.
Work with what you're born with. Big boobs, buck teeth, frizzy hair, and all.
You. Are. Worth. It. Read that out loud at least once a day. Combine with You. Are. Beautiful/Handsome/Exquisite/Confident to complete the sentiment.
Tattoos and body art are HOT. Having work done for the sake of having it done, however, is not.
Think before you ink or pierce. Wear things on your body that represent you at your best and try to resist impulsive work. Present Me was lucky to have my husband's best friend and business parter, Wes , cover up Past Me's unfinished attempt at an anchor at Burning Hearts Tattoo Co. in Hamden, CT. It took over 2 hours, was incredibly painful, and left Present Me black and blued for days.
Body art is absolutely beautiful when done in a clean, safe environment by someone who is gentle and kind who wants to create art, just like you. Seek out like minded artists and masters of their craft and don't ever be afraid to ASK QUESTIONS. Which brings me to my next point.
Smart people ask for help.
No one knows how to do everything and those who claim to know end up looking foolish. Ask for help when you need it and life will be a heck of a lot easier.
Stop caring so much about what other people think and start caring more about what you think of yourself.
and finally
FACING YOUR FEARS IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING.
Past Me was really scared going though the process to lose excess weight. At my heaviest, Past Me was petrified of what I had done to myself and how much work it was going to take Future Me to undo everything I had destroyed within my body. I was scared for Future Me and the pain she would have to go through to live a longer, happier life. Present Me was ashamed for letting myself get so out of hand.
When I let go of my fears and embraced the fact that yes, the state of myself WAS TOTALLY MY FAULT AND OUT OF CONTROL, the fear became irrelevant because now everything was new and scary. I moved forward, though it, without having to know all the answers or be perfect at everything I tried. The most important thing was that I was MOVING and TRYING.
Well, there you go...15 Things I would have benefitted from knowing years ago.
What would Past You have benefitted from knowing at a younger age? And what would your Past Self tell you now? Where is your Present Self stuck and where do you see your Future Self going? I want to know! Check out Facebook.com/PatchofSkyWellness or find us on Instagram at @patchofskywellness and connect with me. I can't wait to hear from you.
Be well,
xoxo Joanna
